The one practice that changed my life (Video)

Video

People often ask me how I have transformed myself and my life to move from feeling shut down and burned out to feeling so vibrantly, joyfully alive and free now. As I was rocking out my house cleaning on this rainy Sunday morning, a song came on that reflected exactly what has been the most important transforming practice in my life. I share it in this short video.

 

Here’s the link to the full song that I mentioned by Miley Cyrus: Hands of Love

I’d love to hear your feedback, comments and any questions you have.

Join me here on Facebook for more Live video sharings and invites to events. You can also check out my calendar of events and retreats on my website.

 

Navigating the Dark

I seem to be apologising a lot lately! My shadow side showing up and getting projected out on to others. Perhaps it’s a quick cutting comment, or an energetic withdrawal and being cold, or more easily being in conflict. Sometimes it’s a sense of inner turmoil and feeling down, with self-doubt and addictive or self-defeating patterns showing up. Bleh! I don’t like when this is going on. I feel my body tense and a bit numb to emotions. I feel my vibrations low. I can sense I’m being protective or defensive. My mind is not trustworthy.

It’s a bit like walking through a bog (very Irish analogy), trying to tip-toe through, yet every so often dropping in up to your knees, or even falling flat on your face in the mud, and then blaming someone else rather than laughing out loud and rolling around in it!

Does any of this resonate for you? I’m hearing it from many people these days.

Navigating the dark, (c) Georgina Peard

Navigating the dark, (c) Georgina Peard

But of course!! Of course it’s so strong right now at the time of the Samhain, as we move into the darkest part of the year. We also had the dark new moon in Scorpio last weekend. Nature is always reflecting in and through us.

There is a blessing here folks! Oh yes! If this is showing up for you now, or whenever it does, it’s because you are being invited to acknowledge and love these shadow parts and the powerful energy they contain. No-one is whole without their shadow integrated.

You can try to fight it, hide it, ignore it, deny it, throw it away, and clean it up, but this will never work. Instead, own your shadow, name it, befriend it, dance with it, harness it and then channel it through the heart.

The dark holds your greatest gifts and power.  

The stronger the energy for you, the stronger the initiation. Congratulations, its means you are ready for this big transformation! This energy locked in the shadow is ready to be revealed. Are you ready to step up and be more of you?

When our shadows show up, it’s so easy to allow negative thoughts take over and feed a self-depracating inner dialogue. Our actions can exaggerate the situation, like not getting enough sleep, always staying busy, over-eating, spending too much time on the internet, or snapping at loved ones.

These thoughts and actions stem from a deep pain – the pain of feeling that, because of these shadow parts, we are bad, fake, and undeserving of good things, like love, community, success and happiness. As a result we choose the safe path in life and not to show up fully or go after what we want (in case we are found out and rejected, abandoned, humiliated etc.).

This is our core unworthiness and, the good news is, we all have it. 

The relief comes when we realise we are all the same, we all hold shame around these shadow parts, and so we step out of the fear of this unworthiness and we dare to face and befriend the shadow.

The extent to which you can take full responsibility and hold strong self-love for yourself when working with shadows, is the gauge of your personal growth and awakening. It’s not that they never show up again.

Navigating your inner landscape, and especially the dark, with love and compassion, humour and humility, is key to your freedom and happiness. 

BRING MORE CONSCIOUSNESS AND LOVE TO YOUR SHADOWS :

  • Make time to be still with yourself. Listen and feel what is really going on for you.
  • Love yourself and the shadow parts, like a mother unconditionally loving a child.
  • Give your shadow a name (mine is Gertrude) and role play with her/them.
  • Acknowledge your deeper pain and your needs.
  • Share your shadows, pain and needs with someone who can love you there.
  • Practice apologising in a way that you take full responsibility for your part.
  • Get more rest and sleep.
  • Take walks in nature on your own and open to her wisdom. Sing, dance, breathe.
  • Get clear on what you have learned.
  • Celebrate your progress.

Thank you
Finally, thank you for doing this work and bringing more consciousness to your shadows. Here I am just touching the surface of this subject, but it is, in my opinion, the most important ‘work’ we can do to transform our lives, our relationships and our communities.

Be gentle with yourself. All healing has its time. The first step is just to love yourself and know that all the way to your core, you are good, all good, and you are loved.

 

Listen deeply
Live courageously
Love fiercely

Georgina x

My response to having my sacred space violated

 

Today as I arrived to set up for my Heart Circle I found our space had been broken into and burgled. Cupboards were open and everything had been searched and tossed around. I had that uncomfortable feeling of shock and fear rush through my body. Instead of carrying out a ritual to prepare the energy for our circle and open a healing space for raw and vulnerable heart sharing, I had to call the police.

I was shaken.

I was even more shaken when I discovered they had entered my temple space, where I hold all my sacred bodywork. They took from my altar my Buddha, mala beads, rattle and ceremonial feather. Really strange, yes! In fact they took nothing else but these, as they found no money.

It feels like it would have been easier though to let go of money, than to feel the violation of my sacred space.

Of course, at a superficial level it is nothing important. But there is something here that goes deeper, and to let it pass by as ‘nothing’ would be to let such violation be ok, and to dishonour something very sacred. This simple burglary is tiny but it represents something so much more common and almost accepted in our society.

“I have been robbed of this opportunity,” one of the participants realised as she struggled to manage the sudden feelings. Having sought out a loving, healing space and prepared to show up vulnerably and authentically with others in Heart Circle, this unexpected violent intrusion came as such a blow to her tender heart. I get it.

It’s not ok.

I have experienced being burgled before. I have been robbed in my home twice, and from a tent once while I was sleeping. Another time I was lying on a beach dozing in the sun when I had a vision of being robbed. I opened my eyes to find a man sitting beside me taking everything out of my handbag. Freaky but I had my guardian angels helping me out!

I have never enjoyed the feeling. Interestingly, though, while I’ve always experienced the shock and adrenaline rush in my body, and then perhaps the sadness and vulnerability, I never felt anger. There is a part of me that actually finds it very easy to let it go and forgive the violator, knowing that material objects are not important. As long as people are safe, all is fine.

While this has always been my honest, authentic response in the moment, and it is helpful to act pragmatically in the situation, I realize that it could also partly be a conditioned, protective response to avoid feeling too much, especially anger (which tends to be conditioned out of us) and to stay ‘level-headed’. On the other hand, lashing out in anger or spouting out words of hate or blame is useless too and just projecting out inner violence.

However, as I have grown stronger and more conscious in myself, I realize that this conditioned response is ignoring my own sovereign and sacred being and that it is not ok to violate my boundaries and my space. I was being quite vague around honouring my own boundaries. Yes, I genuinely felt safe in myself and loving towards others, even the thieves, and at the same time, it was a reflection of lacking some access to my inner fire.

What would be a normal response?

If I have my personal sacred space violated, I consider that a normal response is to feel the pain, the anger, the disgust, and the vulnerability of such violation. A normal response is to react in fury to personal, sovereign boundaries being crossed. A normal response is fierce protection of the sacred, authentic, vulnerable and the loving heart space, and those I am inviting in or holding within this tender space. This is the same ferociousness of any mother protecting her children.

It is essential to give space to all parts to be felt and not to deny them. This way you start to access more of yourself, your inner fire and your aliveness.

Now I recognize when I might be denying something, and I give myself time and space to drop into feeling it. Now I realise that in feeling all that there is to be felt around this violation of sacred space, I am honouring the sacred feminine.

Act in fierce protection of your sacred boundaries.

Act in fierce protection of your sacred boundaries. (c) Georgina Peard

Taking time to feel and clear the energy

So, today, after spending time with the participants, dealing with the police, and observing my first response and reactions, I went to the forest and gave myself full permission to feel all that needed to be felt; to say all that needed to be said; and to hear all that needed to be heard.

At first, I sat in stillness and dropped in to access what was there in the different parts of me. As I allowed myself to feel more, I let out the roars of anger and the cries of disgust and pain. I acknowledged the fear, the hurt and the sadness. I proclaimed my sovereign power as my birthright and reinstated my boundaries. I forgave. I sat still and I listened again and again. I followed instinctively my body until I felt I was complete in my own joy and in my clarity. I felt I had owned all that was mine and let go all that was not mine. I felt grounded and like, this time, I had honoured myself fully.

Nothing of my heart or my true divine essence can be taken from me by anyone as I long as I don’t allow it, and as long as I consciously honour this goodness in me.  Nothing from what I know and do with honour and integrity can be tarnished by anyone else’s judgements or disrespect. My truth is my truth.

I also did this for all of us who come into and consciously create sacred heart space.

I then went and did the same in the physical space and in my temple. I lit a candle and created an altar. I drummed and chanted and removed all unwanted energy. I reinstated the sanctity of the place. I called in the guardians of the space to fortify the energy and the safety. With every massage and healing session, yoga, meditation or pilates class, and every gathering and heart intention, we continue to fortify this energy, together.

It’s not about building walls. It is about honouring boundaries so that we can open up even more, with greater safety, clarity and conviction.

While it was not ok what these people did to violate our and my space, I recognize that something in their lives is driving them to feel such need. I pray that the energy of the space and my sacred objects bring them some positive and transformational vibes!! I will not lose energy by holding any resentment there.  In fact, they would be welcome in my next Heart Circle so that we can meet eye to eye and heart to heart. 🙂

The gift of today’s experience

The gift of today’s experience is clear to me – to know and hold firmly to my sacred boundaries and my sovereign being, while at the same time keeping my heart wide open in honour of my truth, and that in doing so I am holding myself and the work I do with fierce love.

Today’s experience also rooted in me even deeper the importance of this work and the need for Heart Circles. We need spaces to feel all there is to be felt, to speak out our truth, to hear and feel it ourselves, as well as to be witnessed in our authenticity. We need each other to get through the challenges we meet in life and to create new, safe and loving human experiences that counteract some of the outer violence of this world. We need each other to remember and dare to stay open in our hearts no matter what life is throwing our way.

It’s not ok for anyone to violate another person’s space, whether that is their home, their temple, their physical body or their energetic body. It’s not ok for anyone to violate sacred space, and this includes that which may be invisible but is created by heart intention.

At the same time, nothing can take away the sacredness of our hearts, our bodies, or our intentions, as long as we choose to acknowledge and honour our own divine goodness.

Let’s keep honouring our boundaries and choosing to stay open in love – fierce love.

Roar!!!!

 

Listen deeply, live courageously, love fiercely.
Georgina

 

Fierce Love – from fear to empowered love

Fierce Love is believing that everyone, including you, is worthy of love, at all times.

Everyone… is worthy of love… at all times.

In any moment we are either choosing fear or love. Very often it’s an unconscious reaction to life circumstances, based on conditioning, past experiences and wounds.

Fear tends to put us into fight, flight or freeze mode. It creates contraction and tension in the body. There can be resistance, protection, defensiveness, righteousness, projection and judgement. It can be turned inward on yourself or outward onto others or life itself. Fear creates separation and difference.

Love feels open, expansive and spacious in the body. Energy flows freely. There is complete ownership and responsibility for yourself. There’s a sense of “live and let live”, giving others the space to be themselves. There’s a welcoming of life. Love heals through connection, understanding and compassion. It flows through vulnerability and honesty.

Everyone has their own story, their own path and their own challenges. They are doing what they can with what they’ve got, including their inner resources, their pain, their ignorance and their confusion. Even if their actions and words may seem wrong or inflict pain on you or others, can you still hold a place in your heart to love them?

This is Fierce Love.

Fierce Love is staying open in a state of love even when you’re not receiving love back or being give any good reason to love. 

I believe it’s possible to express anger from a place of love. It’s possible to not agree with someone’s actions or perspective, and still hold them in love. It’s possible to be in a state of empowered self-love even when you feel guilt or shame or fear.

I don’t believe it’s easy! But I believe it’s possible.

Fierce Love is a conscious, empowered and embodied state of being, whereby love is unconditional, human and universal. 

Fierce Love means expanding into a full expression of your aliveness. Georgina Peard.

Fierce Love means expanding into a full expression of your aliveness. Georgina Peard.

When I drop deeply into meditation with myself and with life, when everything else is removed, all I find is love. That’s all that remains. That’s all that I am and that we all are. Love.

Love is what we are made of. It’s our true nature. 

I want to know then how to make that real in every day life. If in my deepest core and in my heart of heart’s I know that I am love, and that we are all that, how do we make that our experience of life and each other? How do we hold true to that when it seems that it’s more common to meet fear, our own and others?

I don’t have the perfect answer. I often get it wrong.

My longing, however, is to learn. I want to live my life through love not fear.
I commit myself entirely to learning what it takes to keep choosing love. The conscious ‘want’, I believe, is at least the first step.

It hurts to experience anything else other than love. Whether I create that myself, or experience it in relationship to another person, or witness it in life, it’s painful.

It feels painful and destructive to hold anything else in my body and in my heart. And yet I have done. And yet I do. But my longing is to move away from that. To bring consciousness and awareness to what I am choosing. To work out what is fierce love, to work out what it takes to love fiercely in life.

There’s a part of me that wants to hide away and make my life really safe and comfortable, so that I can’t be hurt. It serves me well quite often to create my own world where I can ride my rainbow unicorn!! And sometimes that place is the only place from which I can continue to fill up on love and bring it out into the world. Yet I realise that at times the hiding away from life’s messiness is fear not love.

It takes fierce perseverance, determination, courage and self-worthiness to keep facing fear and choosing love. This is why I call it fierce love.

Fierce Love is making decisions, speaking the truth, and taking inspired and courageous action that honours your own divinity, your heart, and your goodness.

Can you have your heart broken and yet not close down in fear and protection, not become bitter or vengeful, and not blame or judge? It’s not about accepting or being ok with wrong-doing or any act that is not of love toward you. Rather, it is loving yourself so much that you choose to speak your truth and walk away. You choose to close that door in order to be able to stay in a state of love – open, spacious and free in yourself. You move away while at the same time holding the other person with love and wishing them well.

Life kindly gives us opportunities and situations where it seems difficult to love and where we are tested to dig deeper into the well of love to discover that it is in fact infinite.

Love is the one thing that has no limit.

It can be difficult to love ourselves at times. But not loving yourself is simply a continuation of the fear and violence outside, and therefore allowing it to continue within gives it reason to exist outside.

If we want more love in the world outside we must first start with more love within.

A sensitive heart, like mine, longs for nothing more that to love and be loved. The sensitive heart feels the world deeply. And so those of us who feel deeply are often the first to learn, at a young age, to protect and shut out the tremendous pain and discomfort of this confused reality that has lost touch with love.

Yet we need more sensitive hearts. More wholehearted people, willing to speak out and act from love and for love.

Let’s not allow the fear defeat and kill the love and compassion. Rather, let’s get together to acknowledge and feel stronger in love. Let’s use the messiness and intensity of life, not to build up walls of protection and separation, but rather to bring us together to learn love, grace, adaptability, humility, curiosity, and humour.

I call us to come together to learn what it means to love fiercely. 

So I call together those of us who want this; those of us who have the courage to try and to seek; those of us who know in our hearts that we are good, that we are love and we have a longing to make that manifest in our actions, words, thoughts, in how we live our lives, and in how we relate to others.

I call us together to sit together to learn and practice this together. This is a vulnerable and courageous path for it opens us up. It sheds light on the shadow, the ego and the monkey mind. It sheds light on what’s not working, as well as on the truth that unites us and that pulls us together.

This is a path that is honest, authentic, messy, beautiful, exhilarating. It’s not the easy one. It’s beyond the comfort zone.

For many of us there is no choice, because the only way for us to live in our truth is to live in love, fierce love.


ARE YOU READY TO EXPERIENCE FIERCE LOVE?

Join me and Niels Madsen at the upcoming Fierce Love Retreat. 

Book your place: georgina.peard@gmail.com

 

Passing through crazy to come home to wholesome and wholehearted

In my classes and retreats, I often speak to ‘coming home’ to yourself. This is the first essential step in experiencing joy and freedom. To truly live from that place of ‘home’, however, deeply rooted in your authentic self, means to fully embrace all of you, to be wholesome and wholehearted.

We all know the phrase, “Home is where the heart is”. It can certainly mean the time or place where, or the people with whom, we feel a deep, heartfelt connection. It can also mean literally wherever we currently find ourselves, alive and heart beating, conscious and present to all that we are feeling and experiencing. As Jon Kabat-Zinn says, “Wherever you go, there you are”.

But have you ever found yourself feeling torn between two or more possibilities, two decisions, two points of view? If I walk out this door right now my life will be completely different than if I stay put.

Every moment, with every thought, word and action, we are influencing and creating our reality.

We all have the capacity to imagine and experience multiple realities. We can ‘put ourselves in their shoes’ as we say, to get a sense of someone else’s perspective. Even beyond sharing life experiences with another, we have the capacity to empathise with any other human or even animal. That’s awesome (and a bit more of it is generally needed!)

We are many things all at once. In me is child, mother, priestess, seductress, warrior, human, animal, goddess. I am masculine and feminine. I am witch and bitch. I am a lover and hater. I am physical muscles, bones and organs, and I hold the elements of the entire universe within me. I am forty years old and I have lived many lifetimes. I am ignorant and I am wise beyond all knowledge.

To be wholesome, we must remain truthful to our vulnerable complexity. In order to keep our balance, we need to hold the interior and exterior, visible and invisible, known and unknown, temporal and eternal, ancient and new, together. No-one else can undertake this task for you. You are the one and only threshold of an inner world. This wholesomeness is holiness. To be holy is to be natural; to befriend the worlds that come to balance in you.

John O’Donohue, Anam Cara

John O’Donohue continues to write, “Each one of us is doomed and privileged to be an inner artist who carries and shapes a unique world“.

Our ability to shape-shift and imagine and create is extraordinary, confusing and terrifying at the same time. Perhaps it is this that creates so much stress, fear, neurotic behaviour, and, dare I say it, willingness to be strongly conditioned by societal norms. We struggle to make sense and peace with our own complexity. We are terrified that some of that inner madness might make us unloveable or do something bad that would have us rejected.

So when we sit with ourselves and notice and hear and feel our inner world, that can feel kind of crazy at first! As we sit more and more, it can feel even more crazy!

DSC_1953

Taking to time to sit and contemplate the inner landscape. Georgina Peard by CarlosGonzalez Photographie

So I am here to say, it’s ok. It’s even ‘normal’.

Alongside the downright crazy is the imaginative potential to create a new paradigm on earth.

Many of us skim the surface or simply avoid this inner space though. Many of us nourish the parts that we like, and attempt to diminish other parts that appear a bit dark and ugly.

Brené Brown refers to the whole messy process of being human, and that it takes a whole lot of vulnerability and courage and compassion to own all that we are, to show up and be seen, and to live life wholeheartedly.

Wholehearted living, as Brené calls it, is about loving ourselves and embracing all that we are. It’s a process and a choice in each moment.

So first we must dare to come home to ourselves and embrace the magnificent, wild and wonderful inner world with honesty, curiosity and love, as well as a certain lighthearted sense of humour.

Gradually then, we begin to truly rest within ourselves, to feel deeply rooted in our own being, at home in our own soul essence.

From this wholesome and wholehearted place, we may then be truly surprised and delighted by the unique and authentic expression that is born, again and again.

Let’s not fear or shy away from ALL that we are, but rather, as O’Donohue explains it from the Celtic understanding of inner friendship, let’s embrace our “nature, divinity, underworld and human world as one”.

Allow the child in you to delight in such fanciful imagination and limitless possibility.

From a place of wholeness, enjoy creating yourself anew in each moment.

“When we rediscover our childlike nature, we enter into a world of gentle possibility. Consequently, we will find ourselves more frequently at the place of ease, delight and celebration”

John O’Donohue, Anam Cara

Navigating the shadow

Does it feel like you are rehashing old patterns and tossed around with gloomy thoughts or negativity about yourself or the world? Does it feel like more effort to stay in a state of love and light, even though you thought you were done with those old thought patterns? Are you internalising a lot, feeling tired and wanting to withdraw from the world? Are you noticing more conflicts, internal and/or external?

Fantastic! You are being gifted the opportunity to work with shadow. Here it is. Slam bang in your face! Bleh! Ugh!

The question is, do you say “Yes” to this opportunity?! Are you ready to upgrade to the next level of love? Are you ready to meet it all and welcome it all? The universe thinks you are!

Do you chose fear or love?

The shadow is what we fear. That which we keep in the shadows to avoid it being seen. It’s the “what I don’t want you to know about me”, and even more so, the “what I don’t want to accept about myself”. It is what disgusts you. We often have it so well hidden we don’t even realise it ourselves. I am not judgemental. I am not a jealous bitch. I am not evil.

To be that would be to be unlovable, to be rejected and abandoned. And that would feel like being left to die.

We compensate by emphasising the opposite (e.g. being super nice and always accommodating to others) or avoiding situations that awaken this shadow in our own consciousness or that might show it up.

We tend to internalise harsh and negative dialogue with ourselves and compensate with actions that can be self-harming, like addictions or situations not aligned with our truth. Perhaps it comes out all ugly in a passive aggressive way, projected on to others. The internal battlefield is externalised and you are in battle with the world. We also try to ‘purify’ and rid ourselves of these darker parts through all sorts of cleanses and spiritual practices and exercise and doing good. Or maybe we outright deny and suppress them.

Light and shadow

The fear of the shadow being uncovered, however, and all that you do, often unconsciously, to keep the shadow hidden, is a major driving force in your life.

The good news is that in the shadow lie your greatest strengths. Once owned and channelled through the heart that energy leads to powerful transformation. The release and directing of that energy is absolutely phenomenal. Seriously! I have witnessed and experienced this so many times.

Let’s take some very simple examples to illustrate where shadow = strength when the same energy is channeled consciously through the heart:

  • I am jealous = I am inspired to be a greater version of myself and create a better life
  • I am judgemental = I have a great ability of discernment
  • I am arrogant = I am leader
  • I am cold and lack compassion = I am level-headed and can see the big picture

So I beg of you, please, please stop trying to cleanse or meditate away or exercise away or suppress or get rid of your shadows. You can’t anyway, no matter how much you try. This would be like losing your juice!

Instead, shed light and love on your shadows. Tease them out with understanding and compassion. Create safety for them to be seen. Acknowledge their power and potential. Connect with their energy and give it direction for positive impact.

The exploration of my shadow has become an important regular, and even, dare-I-say, joyful practice for me. Not always easy, I would say that is the most empowering path I have ever taken. And I get to witness it again and again happening for others in my work.

To realise that you are still loveable and perhaps loved even more – you WITH all your shadows and fears and strategies to hide them – is the most liberating experience!!! Suddenly you are free to be and express and create all that you are meant to, and I’m pretty sure that you have something unique and important to share.

Hide and Seek – Catch me if you can!
As I reflected on this topic one early morning last week by the lake Geneva, my attention was drawn to a large tree. Two dark red squirrels were playing hide and seek around the trunk. Each one trying to see and catch the other, they were scampering around this tree with such speed and agility and glee, changing directions, left and right, up and down. I burst out laughing. That’s it! That is my light and shadow parts at play, doing this all the time, it is the constant dance.

So is it like this for you?

“You can’t see me! I’m the shadow!”
says the dark to the light, “You can’t catch me but I’m going to catch up on you and get you – run, run!”

Or is it more like this?

“I am going to see you dark one,” says the light to the dark, “and I’m going to shed all my light and love on you – you can’t hide.” 

Can you just enjoy the game? Can you relax in the dance with the dark partner?Which one is leading in your life right now in any particular situation?
Is it holding you back in some way?
Are you ready to direct that same energy through your heart? 

Now this is a big area to discuss, so in my next blogs I’ll write more about how I like to consciously and joyfully navigate the shadow.

I’d love to hear about your own experiences with this. Please do share your comments. And stay tuned for more.

The ultimate love affair

It all began,
As an unexpected, extraordinary encounter.
Amidst an ordinary reality.
A moment in time that seemed to be timeless.
When boundaries blurred, and limitations evaporated.
My heart awe-struck, exploded-open.
No past identity, none for the future.
Just being, now.

Was it a memory or an awakening?

At first there was the encounter.
Imprinted in cellular memory, it is relived now, again and again.
Wow. Wow. The juices flowing, the heart expanding.
What was before is forgotten.
What was before the before is remembered.
The not-knowing unimportant, the memory so delicious.
I am swept into the journey.

And softly develops the calling.
And gradually comes the yearning. More. More!

My mind does not understand, it grasps for control.
But my body remembers.
My soul knows. My heart knows.
Here I am. Here I am.
For so very long I have been waiting for this.
For so very long I have been waiting for this.
I didn’t know. I couldn’t name it or create it.
But now I do.

More. More. Take me home.

I lay back into the warm, loving embrace.
My body seems to fit naturally.
I feel safe. All tension melts away.
Naked. There is nothing to hide. Every part of me is seen, held, loved.
Every cell in my body. Every part of my existence.

Relief. Tears flow.
Layer upon layer, recent and ancient, peeled away, released, held, healed.
I am soothed. I am loved.

The sense of love is all-consuming.
My body opens. I am penetrated to my deepest core.
Energy expands out in all directions and ripples through my being.
Every cell in my body vibrates.
I am lost. I no longer know what I knew. I no longer am what I was.
I die. I am born. I AM.

The mind jumps in to control the story.
The ego plays games to create havoc.
The power and the flow and the wow disappear.
The ordinary becomes unbearable.
The separation painful.
The searching desperately unsatisfying.
Suddenly, naked and open, unprotected, in an insensitive world.
Fear takes hold.
Yearning to reconnect. The soul seems heavy.

And she calls. And she calls.
Am I prepared to listen?

She calls to be heard. She calls to be felt. She calls to be known.
We sit. We meet. Vulnerably intimate.
With curiosity and compassion, humility and courage.
Nothing is made wrong. Nothing avoided. Nothing sought.

I sit with fear and hear her out until she feels safe to let go her desperate grip.
I acknowledge pain until she feels ready to soften and evolve.
I meet anger face to face and give her free voice.
I meet sadness and allow her to flow and flow. Age-old rivers. Oceans.

And as she flows I remember.
Her flow bursting my heart open with passion and aliveness.
All of life coursing through my veins.
Rivers of memories awakening my cells.
I AM all that I AM. I AM the ALL.

All that I have been yearning for. All that I have been searching for.
Here it is, again. Of course, it was never gone. It was never any different.

Through the joy and elation, the pain and the sadness, the fear and the confusion.
Through the resistance and surrender, the separation and reconnection.
The fire burns stronger, deeper. My heart bursting open.
I feel alive, so alive. And I dance. And I dance.
And I sing. And I sing.
Ancient and present uniting. Divinity and humanity integrating.
Here I AM.

Here it is. Right here.
The ultimate intimate union. The ultimate love affair.

It all began As an unexpected, extraordinary encounter Amidst an ordinary reality A moment in time that seemed to be timeless When boundaries blurred, and limitations evaporated My heart awe-struck, exploded-open No past identity, none for the future Just being, now. Was it a memory or an awakening? At first there was the encounter. Imprinted in cellular memory, it can be relived now, again and again. Wow. Wow. The juices flowing, the heart expanding. What was before is forgotten. What was before the before is remembered. The not-knowing unimportant, the memory so delicious. I am swept into the journey. And softly develops the calling, then the yearning. More. More. My mind does not understand, it grasps for control. But my body remembers. My soul knows. My heart knows. Here I am. Here I am. For so very long I have been waiting for this. For so very long I have been waiting for this. I didn't know. I couldn't name it or create it. But now I do. More. More. Take me home. I lay back into the warm, loving embrace. My body seems to fit naturally. I feel safe. All tension melts away. Naked. There is nothing to hide. Every part of me is seen, held, loved. Every cell in my body. Every part of my existence. Relief. Tears flow. Layer upon layer, recent and ancient, peeled away, released, held, healed. I am soothed. I am loved. The sense of love is all-consuming. My body opens. I am penetrated to my deepest core. Energy expands out in all directions and ripples through my being. Every cell in my body vibrates. I am lost. I no longer know what I knew. I no longer am what I was. I die. I am born. I AM. The mind jumps in to control the story. The ego plays games to create havoc. The power and the flow and the wow disappear. The ordinary becomes unbearable. The separation painful. The searching desperately unsatisfying. Suddenly, naked and open, unprotected, in an insensitive world. Fear takes hold. Yearning to reconnect. The soul seems heavy. And she calls. And she calls. Am I prepared to listen? She calls to be heard. She calls to be felt. She calls to be known. We sit. We meet. With curiosity and compassion, humility and courage. Nothing is made wrong. Nothing avoided. Nothing sought. I sit with fear and hear her out until she lets go her desperate grip. I ride the pain until she feels ready to soften and evolve. I meet anger face to face and give her free voice. I meet sadness and allow her to flow and flow. Age-old rivers. Oceans. And as she flows I remember. Her flow bursting my heart open with passion and aliveness. All of life coursing through my veins. Rivers of memories awakening my cells. I AM all that I AM. All that I have been yearning for. All that I have been searching for. Here it is, again. Of course, it was never gone. It was never any different. Through the pain and the sadness, the fear and the confusion. Through the searching and the separation. The fire burns stronger, deeper. My heart bursting open. I feel alive, so alive. Ancient and present uniting. Divinity and humanity connecting. Here it is. Right here. The ultimate intimate union. The ultimate love affair.