As I let go of what I think it means to love, I am learning what it actually means to love, unconditionally, myself and others. As I let go, I allow myself to be touched by grace.
In my effort to know and understand love, to give and receive, to be loveable and feel worthy of love, I have found myself often not knowing or understanding, and not always truly loving or letting it in. When I let go of the effort, I open in humility to how life and love can flow effortlessly.
To love another unconditionally means to allow them to be and to show up in their own way, as themselves, and as best they can in the now moment. To see them with fascination, awe and wonder, and as their own sovereign being. To delight in their joy and excitement and dreams. To hold their highest light for them, even when they cannot feel or see it in themselves or are acting unconsciously out of fear. To hold them and soothe their wounds as they regather their strength, courage and wisdom.
It is to love without needing anything in return.
It is to be ok with those parts of them that irritate me, that disappoint me, or that I simply don’t like and to see beyond that. It is not to accept what is not right for me and not an act of love, but to speak my truth and lovingly call them to account and back into their power and consciousness, just as I call myself to account when out of line with my truth.
It is not thinking I know best or better than them for them, but trusting that they are exactly where they need to be, as am I. It is not limiting their potential based on past experience but allowing me and them to show up anew in this now moment. It is not thinking I know how I must be loved but rather to allow them to love me in the way they can, in the way that feels true, authentic and free to them. And to be ok even when they are unable or unwilling to love me back. This does not make me unloveable or unworthy of love, nor them.
To love ourselves unconditionally is exactly the same.
We may not like feeling sad, angry, lonely, jealous or bitter. We may not like feeling anxious, fearful, weak, confused or out of control. We may know very well that they are fictions of the mind. We may even have all the words and tools to transform those feelings. We may feel that we have done all the yoga and meditation and personal development to know better than this. But can we be ok with where we are at just now? Can we sit with it, take ownership of it, without throwing it out unconsciously at another? Can we say with kindness to ourselves, “yes I know this too will pass but right now this is where I’m at and that’s ok”.
Life is messy. To be human is to be messy.
- Can you be ok with the messiness sometimes, in you and in others?
- Can you be ok with not knowing and not having the answers yet?
- Can you be ok with being the vulnerable child rather than the wise old sage at times?
Because right here where you are right now, perhaps there is something beautiful, a little gem ready to be discovered.
When we let go of the resistance, the ‘should’, the ‘must’, the ‘ought to be’ and the ‘what if’, what is it that remains? …….. just what is.
In letting go of the struggle we learn humility and grace. We learn compassion and empathy. In our vulnerability we open to asking for help, letting in and receiving.
Through these softened eyes and heart we may see and feel anew. Humbled by life’s greatness, we may notice…..the abundance of love available all around; the depth of someone’s ability to love and care for us, and the beauty of their soul; the unspoken pain and suffering and longing in another; all the efforts someone is making in their own way to be the best person they can; the strength and greatness of our own spirit; the vibrant aliveness and beauty of nature; the ways in which the universe supports and guides us…..
As we let go of the trying, the resistance and the control, we open ourselves to be touched by Grace.
So although you may not know what to do or say or feel or even think at some point; although you may not be feeling good about what you have done or said; although there may be so much pain, unfairness and inequality in the world right now, can you let go for just a moment, let go of needing to understand, to have any answers or anything to offer in assistance, and trust that all is ok?
Everything that you have done, said and thought has its own perfection.
I am ok. They are ok. There is, somehow, right now, a perfection to what is.
Ask to be held there, by a loved one, a friend, a therapist, or by the earth / Gaia / God / your spirit guides or ancestors. Soften into being.
Let it go for now. Open up to letting in. Open up to the unknown.
Let this moment grace you and speak to you and love you, in whatever way it will.
All is well. All is as it is.