I seem to be apologising a lot lately! My shadow side showing up and getting projected out on to others. Perhaps it’s a quick cutting comment, or an energetic withdrawal and being cold, or more easily being in conflict. Sometimes it’s a sense of inner turmoil and feeling down, with self-doubt and addictive or self-defeating patterns showing up. Bleh! I don’t like when this is going on. I feel my body tense and a bit numb to emotions. I feel my vibrations low. I can sense I’m being protective or defensive. My mind is not trustworthy.
It’s a bit like walking through a bog (very Irish analogy), trying to tip-toe through, yet every so often dropping in up to your knees, or even falling flat on your face in the mud, and then blaming someone else rather than laughing out loud and rolling around in it!
Does any of this resonate for you? I’m hearing it from many people these days.
But of course!! Of course it’s so strong right now at the time of the Samhain, as we move into the darkest part of the year. We also had the dark new moon in Scorpio last weekend. Nature is always reflecting in and through us.
There is a blessing here folks! Oh yes! If this is showing up for you now, or whenever it does, it’s because you are being invited to acknowledge and love these shadow parts and the powerful energy they contain. No-one is whole without their shadow integrated.
You can try to fight it, hide it, ignore it, deny it, throw it away, and clean it up, but this will never work. Instead, own your shadow, name it, befriend it, dance with it, harness it and then channel it through the heart.
The dark holds your greatest gifts and power.
The stronger the energy for you, the stronger the initiation. Congratulations, its means you are ready for this big transformation! This energy locked in the shadow is ready to be revealed. Are you ready to step up and be more of you?
When our shadows show up, it’s so easy to allow negative thoughts take over and feed a self-depracating inner dialogue. Our actions can exaggerate the situation, like not getting enough sleep, always staying busy, over-eating, spending too much time on the internet, or snapping at loved ones.
These thoughts and actions stem from a deep pain – the pain of feeling that, because of these shadow parts, we are bad, fake, and undeserving of good things, like love, community, success and happiness. As a result we choose the safe path in life and not to show up fully or go after what we want (in case we are found out and rejected, abandoned, humiliated etc.).
This is our core unworthiness and, the good news is, we all have it.
The relief comes when we realise we are all the same, we all hold shame around these shadow parts, and so we step out of the fear of this unworthiness and we dare to face and befriend the shadow.
The extent to which you can take full responsibility and hold strong self-love for yourself when working with shadows, is the gauge of your personal growth and awakening. It’s not that they never show up again.
Navigating your inner landscape, and especially the dark, with love and compassion, humour and humility, is key to your freedom and happiness.
BRING MORE CONSCIOUSNESS AND LOVE TO YOUR SHADOWS :
- Make time to be still with yourself. Listen and feel what is really going on for you.
- Love yourself and the shadow parts, like a mother unconditionally loving a child.
- Give your shadow a name (mine is Gertrude) and role play with her/them.
- Acknowledge your deeper pain and your needs.
- Share your shadows, pain and needs with someone who can love you there.
- Practice apologising in a way that you take full responsibility for your part.
- Get more rest and sleep.
- Take walks in nature on your own and open to her wisdom. Sing, dance, breathe.
- Get clear on what you have learned.
- Celebrate your progress.
Finally, thank you for doing this work and bringing more consciousness to your shadows. Here I am just touching the surface of this subject, but it is, in my opinion, the most important ‘work’ we can do to transform our lives, our relationships and our communities.
Be gentle with yourself. All healing has its time. The first step is just to love yourself and know that all the way to your core, you are good, all good, and you are loved.